I am in aveilus for my father. I live in a community where unfortunately have many aveilim. It is not always easy to get the amud. My question is when I don’t get the amud, should I try to leave and come back for a later minyan to see if I will get the amud then, or should I just stay and say kadish. As well, if I know in advance there will be a yartzeit by my regular minyan, should I try to find an alternate minyan to try to get the amud, or just daven where I normally do, and just say kaddish?
Answer:
While this would be commendable, you are not obligated to find another minyan in order to daven fro the amud.
Even when unable to daven for the amud, one shoud attempt to daven from Uva Ltzion until the end. The Rama also points out that Maariv is an important tefilla as this is the time of din, and the tefilla saves the neshama from din.
See Divrei Malkiel 4:96, who explains that the custom to daven for the amud is a way of honoring one’s parent. Just as in their lifetime one is not obligated to incur a loss for kibud av, such us the case here as well. Often davening elsewhere involves great tircha, and may cause disturbance in one’s working schedule. If it is easy, one should make an effort to find a minyan where he can daven for the amud.
